Relationships

Relationships Before apartments and bills but well after hide and seek and pigtails. I am a teenager. I drive to a house the next town over, Peterborough New Hampshire. Down dirt roads and one stop light. The sun shining through the branches. Driving through it feels like someone is flickering the lights on and off. The window is rolled down. I feel the air roll over the top of my hand. I feel the hair blow around my face in a frenzy, being pushed in every direction at once. There is a sort of peace to be found in the chaos. He lives there. Looking back now I see how dependent I was. Without my father’s knowledge I borrow his truck just so I can see those striking blue eyes again. His sandy blond hair, those piercing blue eyes and a crooked smile. Though it was his brain that made me love him. He is smart and funny, with a dash of geeky thrown in for good measure. The feeling of falling in love, the butterflies vibrating your insides and making your hands shake. This is a feeling that I will never forget. Lying in bed. I roll over to see the back of his head. The sandy blond hair has gotten darker over the years, and it has seem to have fallen out in a circle a top his head. I can hear him breathing and the rhythmic sound is reassuring like a clock ticking away. I brush my hand over his and wrap my fingers around just slightly. I squeeze them twice. This is our silent way of saying I love you. I wait a few seconds and my ticking clock slows in anticipation. Is he awake? Then I feel him squeeze back. Once and then again. Running around the playground at my elementary school with my classmates. I am running. I am running to catch up with the wind. Like someone running to catch up with a bus they’ve missed. I can feel the warm sensation of my cheeks turning red. Unsure if it’s from the run or the feeling that the black haired boy gives me. He is chasing after me. Pretending that boys are gross, I run faster, screaming, “EW, don’t touch me!” His hand pushes my back. I am happy that I am the one he choose to chase. This contact signifies that is my turn to chase him. The bell rings. One of those hand held bells, with its heavy ball swinging and hitting the bronze sides. Back inside the school we are the last two to go back onto the classroom. I turn him around to face me and I push my face into his, like I’ve seen my parents do. My first kiss. He holds the door for me as we walk into the restaurant. I can feel the heat hit my frozen face and my nose starts to run. The hostess asks if it will be two for dinner. I sniffle as my dad says yes. He takes my coat and hangs it up alongside his. Then the hostess brings us to our table. He pulls my chair out for me and pushes me in before he takes his seat. Looking at him I see his salt and pepper hair. The laugh wrinkles by his beautiful brown eyes. Brown eyes that I see looking back at me every time I look in a mirror. I see a lot of me in him, or a lot of him in me. The rough skin on his hands reminds me of how hard he has worked to give me everything that I have.