Letting Go Of What's Holding You Back

Love is a blinding force. It hits you like a tornado: swiftly and unexpectedly. Once the euphoria envelops and surges through you, the power it holds on you is quantified by magnitudes, making detachment near impossible. After all, love is so beautiful so why would you want it to end? Why? Furthermore, the intense lull rationalizes absurd decisions, like mine. I, Amber Garcia, was so hazed over in passionate love that I didn’t realize when my own life was ripping apart at the seams, everything that I had built crashing down. The reason: my boyfriend Derek. Derek and I had been dating for over two years and I always felt as if I didn’t deserve him. He was the stereotypical football captain, with his extremely rugged good looks, while I was that loner genius and no exceptional beauty. I was nothing compared to him and I felt he didn’t truly love me because I wasn’t a trampy beauty. To make matters worse, Derek wasn’t a wonderful person either and would often resort to insulting my already-wounded ego in times of his distress. Those would be times when I considered separation because the ecstasy of love wouldn’t be enough to combat the emotional pain. However, then I thought of all those amazing moments we shared where Derek was incredibly sweet to me, going out of his way to publicly declare his love for me and… I couldn’t do it. Not that my docile, submissive personality and my desperation for love so assisted this conundrum. Faced with this enigma, I made the worst decision in my life; I underwent cosmetic surgery. I had altered the very underlying architecture of my face that I had inherited from my parents’ genes; I essentially conveyed that my parents’ weren’t good enough for me. The realization literally broke my parents and me as I was recovering. I had a complete mental breakdown as I viewed my new face for the first time. Instantly, I experienced the biggest wave of self-hatred ever, magnified by the fact that I hadn’t even told Derek about this. All this guilt led to wallowing in pity through my extended surgery recovery period; a great deal of tears and comfort food. Finally, after my face had fully healed from this irrevocable surgery, I decided to stop avoiding Derek and I planned a secluded picnic so the public would not witness his reaction. I then told Derek some awful excuse about a family death that he believed and we agreed to our little park picnic on that very same day. However, as the time for my departure to the park quickly approached I found myself perspiring in apprehension as I stared at nothing in my light-filled room. What would his reaction be? Would he hate my new face? At last, I started to get ready for our date by shimmying into a light blue summer dress, complementing it with a nicely contoured denim jacket, and finally brushing my wavy hair. Next, I walked over to my mirror to look at myself. I was horrified when I realized I did look better now, causing me to run through the door and the whole .3 mile to the park, frantically trying to bury that knowledge by diverting my attention. I was wheezing as I slumped against a tree in the park after running so swiftly, but quickly regained my composure when I heard two people whispering love declarations to each other. My curiosity getting the better of me, I peered around the tree. What I saw left me rooted to the spot; Derek and this other girl were holding onto each other. My Derek was cheating on me. After the shock left me a few seconds later I stepped backwards, crunching a little twig with my gladiator sandals. Both of them jumped away from each other when they saw me, yet instead of yelling or sobbing, I calmly said, “Derek, we’re finished. I had a surprise for you, but you don’t deserve it. Goodbye.” He looked shell-shocked as I starting walking away, too shocked to say anything as I walked away from him forever. For the next couple of days, I sobbed, cried, and wept, but at the end of it I realized something: I would’ve continued to do outlandish things for him, always trying to appease him, while he didn’t even care. As I realized this, I also understood I could become my own person now. It truly is best to let go of things holding you back.