Life Through Death

I tried to eliminate my life at a young age of only 20 years old. The day of November 14, 2011 will always be the day that I thought I would be dead, but it turned out to be the day that I would actually start living. After that day, my best friend, Josh, of so many years, took his own life. It was only 13 days after my attempt. I'll never forget talking to his brother that night. The pain I felt in my heart. The pain I know I would have caused to so many. They say suicide doesn't take the pain away, it only gives it to someone else. I watched those words turn into a reality. I called my twin brother and told him that Josh took his life. The cries of why echoed in the phone. I just sat there with tears running down my cheeks as they slowly dripped to my laptop. I stared into space, and day dreamt about what I could have done differently. I guess we all go through that with death; having so much regret and wanting to alter the past. What if I just called him and told him about what I tried doing? Would he still be here today? I began reevaluating my life. What if I was gone, just like he was? What would my obituary say? Those questions rang in my head with every step I took. I began seeing how much regret I really had in my life. I wouldn't be proud of what my obituary would say. I was just another somebody trying to earn money to pay bills till I died. I didn't want my life like that. I wanted to make myself proud. I cried to God so many times asking him what I could do to leave a footprint on this earth. I finally knew what I needed to do. I had tried taking my life, Josh took his life; I needed to save a life. Literally. I called the kidney donor transplant office and told them what I was wanting to do. They wanted to meet me and see what I was about. I began to make regular visits to the hospital to get blood work done and other testing to make sure I qualified to do so. Finally, surgery was scheduled, I was about to donate my left kidney to a man I never met. November 30, 2012, I was 21, only a few days after the one year reunion of Josh's death, I had the life changing surgery. Surgery took 6 hours; 2 hours longer than planned. When I woke up, I asked the doctor how the guy was doing. Confused he asked, "What do you mean the guy?" I replied with "I don't know who the guy is or anything about him." The doctor smiled, and told me he would go see what is going on. A few minutes later, a shorter CNA in scrubs came in. Excitedly he told me that he found the guy and was only 3 doors down from me. He then asked me if I would like to meet the gentleman whose life I have just saved. I was nervous, but I knew I couldn't pass on this opportunity. I got up as quickly as I could, grabbed my iv stand, tied my gown and started following the CNA to the room. My mom came with me as we had no idea what to expect. We knocked, and then entered the room. Standing there was the mans wife, she was crying, and thanking me. Tears filled my whole body up and leaked out of my eyes. He shook my hand, looked at me in the eyes and thanked me for saving his life. The CNA who was so anxious about introducing us. He stood there, teary eyed, watching this miracle happen in front of him. There is over a million words in the English language and not one could explain the feeling we all had that day. The CNA helped me back to my room. He set me back up to my machines and prepared me for a long week visit in the hospital. He then sat in a chair next to my bed. With tears running down his eyes, he looked at me, and told me "You have changed my perspective on life, what you did was heroic." Embarrassed of compliments, I only nodded my head and replied quietly with a thank you. He then stood up, and said he would not see me for the remainder of my stay. He put his hand out, reaching for mine. I returned the gesture and shook his hand. He smiled at me, turned to walk to the door, only to reveal his name tag. His name was Josh...

By Bryan Kearns